Strong Women Standing Tall

I apologise in advance for the possible rambling nonsensical post that is about to follow, but it is straight from the heart.

This past six months has seen my life change in such a big way, I haven’t mentioned it on the blog until now but in August our family of four became three with my husband leaving our family home.

When someone leaves your life after 14 years of being there it is a huge upheaval, it is like a death and I spent several weeks in mourning.

But one thing that became clear was the strength of the women (and some men) around me, the group of women that supported me are amazing and for that I am so unbelievably grateful.

My mum watched as her daughter crumbled in a heap, sobbed on the phone to her for hours on end, she watched as her daughter tried to figure out life and what it meant. I apologised so many times to her, knowing the heart ache she must be going through too and yet she always remained strong and listened.

My work colleagues were amazing, the day my marriage ended I went into work, I sobbed most of that day and no one said anything. Knowing that I just needed to get on with stuff in my own time. When I did tell them they gave me strength to carry on, I had to make the hard decision to start working five days a week, not easy when you suffer with chronic pain but they were there every step of the way.

My best friends listened, didn’t judge and even when I repeated the same things over and over again they kept on listening and hugged me and told me it would be ok.

I posted snippets of my journey over on Instagram and I was amazed at the support of women who only new tiny squares of my life, in addition to the wonderfully kind women in my everyday life, it was their support and acknowledgment that I wasn’t alone that got me through what was undoubtedly one of the hardest times in my life to date.

I had an amazing counsellor who when I walked out of my last session had tears in her eyes, I had come into those sessions sobbing for the whole hour and I left that last one with my head held high that I was strong and could do this.

And not only did this journey help me, but it has opened my life up to other women going through the same thing, wonderful ladies have contacted me via Instagram, thanking me for sharing my journey. Looking like I did for answers and understanding even if there were none to find.

It seems 2016 was the year of the affair or simply parting ways, but maybe marriage isn’t forever like the 10 year old me thought. Maybe it is about finding people to make memories with and then if enough memories have been made you need to move on to make more.

I try not to regret anything I have done in my life, hard when it has left you so hurt. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and right now I feel stronger and more empowered than I have ever felt.

Sometimes it isn’t until we need that support that the true extent of friendships is made clear, without my circle of friends and family I would never have got this far.

Starting on a journey of finding myself again, taking time out for me and realising who I had been and who I wanted to be. The people I have met along the way have enriched my life, my children have grown and watched their mum blossom too. Being a single mum isn’t what I envisaged my life to be, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, its hard work but you know what, I’ve got this.

To any women who are going through the same thing right now then you’ve got this too, it isn’t always easy but it does get easier.

Pain Vs Exercise

I started on Gabapentin last year to help with my Fibromyalgia, it has helped to mask some of the pain, however it has made me put on over a stone in about 8 months. Holidaying in France eating cheese and drinking wine everyday probably didn't help, however the Gabapentin is known for slowing down metabolism and as I haven't really changed my diet I am assuming this is the problem.

Now, the problem with my Fibromyalgia is that it is a vicious cycle, of needing to exercise to work the muscles and help ease the pain, to not being able to do those things because the condition causes your whole body to ache for days on end. A never ending cycle of wanting to be active but being in so much pain you can't be.

However, my jeans are a little snug, so it is time to lose some weight. I had been swimming regularly since the new year to try and lose weight, but with half term and a dodgy knee, I haven't been for a few weeks. Life simply seems to get in the way.

I need to get a grip though, this isn't about me 'not needing to lose weight because I'm not fat' as I hear from friends and family so often, maybe not to the naked eye, but my body has changed shape and I am so conscious of it myself that I need to do it for me.

I try to be fibro-warrior, I try to get through the days and so if I can do that, then I can get rid of the weight I am carrying. I also think that it is probably adding to my weariness and I need to do it to feel better about me.

So, I have applied for a day pass to my local Nuffield Gym to see what it's like, I will be doing that and I will be getting back into my swimming, as well as going out for walks on my days off. You'd think that the amount of house work and running around I do I'd be fine but obviously something has changed in my body and I need to get better, for me and for my family.