Strong Women Standing Tall

I apologise in advance for the possible rambling nonsensical post that is about to follow, but it is straight from the heart.

This past six months has seen my life change in such a big way, I haven’t mentioned it on the blog until now but in August our family of four became three with my husband leaving our family home.

When someone leaves your life after 14 years of being there it is a huge upheaval, it is like a death and I spent several weeks in mourning.

But one thing that became clear was the strength of the women (and some men) around me, the group of women that supported me are amazing and for that I am so unbelievably grateful.

My mum watched as her daughter crumbled in a heap, sobbed on the phone to her for hours on end, she watched as her daughter tried to figure out life and what it meant. I apologised so many times to her, knowing the heart ache she must be going through too and yet she always remained strong and listened.

My work colleagues were amazing, the day my marriage ended I went into work, I sobbed most of that day and no one said anything. Knowing that I just needed to get on with stuff in my own time. When I did tell them they gave me strength to carry on, I had to make the hard decision to start working five days a week, not easy when you suffer with chronic pain but they were there every step of the way.

My best friends listened, didn’t judge and even when I repeated the same things over and over again they kept on listening and hugged me and told me it would be ok.

I posted snippets of my journey over on Instagram and I was amazed at the support of women who only new tiny squares of my life, in addition to the wonderfully kind women in my everyday life, it was their support and acknowledgment that I wasn’t alone that got me through what was undoubtedly one of the hardest times in my life to date.

I had an amazing counsellor who when I walked out of my last session had tears in her eyes, I had come into those sessions sobbing for the whole hour and I left that last one with my head held high that I was strong and could do this.

And not only did this journey help me, but it has opened my life up to other women going through the same thing, wonderful ladies have contacted me via Instagram, thanking me for sharing my journey. Looking like I did for answers and understanding even if there were none to find.

It seems 2016 was the year of the affair or simply parting ways, but maybe marriage isn’t forever like the 10 year old me thought. Maybe it is about finding people to make memories with and then if enough memories have been made you need to move on to make more.

I try not to regret anything I have done in my life, hard when it has left you so hurt. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and right now I feel stronger and more empowered than I have ever felt.

Sometimes it isn’t until we need that support that the true extent of friendships is made clear, without my circle of friends and family I would never have got this far.

Starting on a journey of finding myself again, taking time out for me and realising who I had been and who I wanted to be. The people I have met along the way have enriched my life, my children have grown and watched their mum blossom too. Being a single mum isn’t what I envisaged my life to be, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, its hard work but you know what, I’ve got this.

To any women who are going through the same thing right now then you’ve got this too, it isn’t always easy but it does get easier.

My Broken Heart

Today a little piece of my heart broke, my daughter, my smallest baby started school. It was hard the first time round but second and final time round it has broken my heart!

My son walked her in to school, as proud as punch to be showing his little sister the way. They ran around the playground together until it was his time to go in.

A little bit early we headed to her playground, she was desperate to get in, we were early but her amazingly lovely teacher ushered her in with a smile.  As my daughter walked into her classroom, confident and proud, I knew her journey in school life had begun and she was as ready as she'd ever be.

It's funny, our school isn't classed as 'Outstanding' but the teachers have been amazing and I cannot wait for her to grow as my son has, she already had so many stories to tell and she's only been there a day.

I kissed her and left, having expected to stay for half an hour I felt a little forlorn, lost and sad that she didn't need me. As tears streamed down my face her teacher said I could stay, but I knew my daughter wouldn't need me, her teacher smiled and told my husband to take me for a cup of tea, we laughed and I walked across the playground with the tears rolling at an ever faster pace.

We got back to the car and my husband went to work, I chatted to another mum for a few minutes and then got back into my car, I sat and sobbed for ages, finally pulling myself together to drive to see my old next door neighbour for a few hours.

When I got home the house was quiet, normally there is someone in the house but no noise was strange, even when I am up before everyone else there is a creak or snore. For the last four and a half years my daughter has been with me Monday to Wednesday and it felt lonely. I know it will change, I will work more and i'll have things to occupy me but oh my heart aches.

I adore my children, they are kind beyond words and I couldn't be more proud of these wonderful little people. My heart will always ache but I will enjoy the time I have with them more, those special moments will be more special.

Here is to all those parents going through the same this week.

Make a Mascot with Cavendish Online

Having recently moved house, Life Insurance is high on our list of things to sort out, we already have it and pay for it monthly but a bigger house and mortgage means we need to increase and extend our cover.

Cavendish Online are an online insurance broker with a difference, they strive to offer the lowest prices and therefore the best value insurance. They have challenged us to make a mascot for them, so we gathered our glue and brainstormed some ideas of what to create.

The children decided they wanted to decorate some foil dishes, quite apt I thought, so we got to it with some tissue paper and feathers for eyelashes.

We added arms and legs and lots of colour...

And here he/she is, we haven't quite decided what it is or what to name it but we floated some ideas, including Ellie after yours truly!

My daughter is pretty smitten by our mascot and to be honest I think I am too, it's rather lovely.

It just proves it doesn't take much to make a cheeky mascot and instead of spending lots of money on one, you can instead offer savings, which is what Cavendish Online do. It's probably why they are recommended by Which? and have been Money Saving Experts top pick for over 8 years.

Here are the savings from a like for like quote, with Cavendish Online and another popular comparison website. With a saving of £24.92 a month or £299.04 a year I think this is great, this could be a weekend away or some money for a rainy day. 

Life insurance is so important, after all no one wants to leave loved ones behind without the security of your home being paid for. So what do you think, are you up for making some savings on a super important insurance? 

You can find Cavendish Online over on twitter and follow the #MakeAMascot hashtag to see what other great mascots bloggers have come up with.

NB: I am a member of the Netmums Blogging Network, a unique community of parent bloggers from around the UK who have been handpicked by the Netmums team to review products and brands on their behalf. I may have been paid expenses, and have been supplied with a product sample for this review, but retain all editorial control. All my Netmums Reviews will display the Netmums logo within the post

This is a Netmum's sponsored post. To find out more click the button: 

Word of the Week

I think my word of the week this week is pride, for so many reasons. Firstly, my son got to go to the cinema for 100% attendance, he also took part in his French class end of year performance. He has picked it up so well and I am really excited to see him use it when we go to France in a few weeks time.

We  went to my daughters nursery to see where she would be going in September, she was extremely well behaved and the nursery nurses who currently look after her have nothing but the highest of praise for her. She has such confidence in fact so much so she went and stood with my son in his French performance and counted to 10 with them, in French!!!

My son has also been asking to do things round the house, making his breakfast and helping me tidy things away, my daughter insists on helping me set the dinner table and I couldn’t be more proud of the two lovely young children they have become!

I am really looking forward to what I expect to be a glowing report for my son, his teacher is constantly telling us what a lovely young man he is and how he is the perfect student and role model. He came home with yet another star of the week certificate last week and after a rough start in school life he has blossomed.

My heart is bursting with pride for my two wonderfully kind, caring and enthusiastic children, what more could a mother ask for. 

Linking up to Word of the Week with The Reading Residence

What My Sight Means To Me

Growing up my brother had many trips in and out of hospital, he had a severe lazy eye and at about 4 years old he had to go into hospital for a procedure to correct his eye muscles and to stop it being lazy.

I remember this vividly, but what if we didn't live in this country? Would he have been left with poor sight in one eye?

Having needed glasses since the age of 11 for reading and using a computer I've become only too aware of what it's like to have a problem with your eyes. I am one of the lucky ones really, only needing them for a few activities.

As a mum I cannot imagine what it would be like to be blind or partially sighted, not to be able see your children or the pictures they draw, their wedding day or any number of the other special moments in their lives.

Devastating is an understatement and for your child to face this would be even worse, for them never to see the beauty of the world, pictures in a book, it is truly unimaginable.

So this week Becky over at Baby Budgeting has been raising awareness for Sightsavers a charity that helps provide sight saving treatments and care across the globe to people who might otherwise end up blind.

It's difficult to put their work into words so I have linked to the Sightsavers video which shows some of what they do, if you have a few minutes to share it or a few pounds to donate it could be the difference between someone seeing the world around them or being blind for the rest of their lives.

For as little as £4 you can pay for cataract operation to give a child their sight back, thats pretty amazing don't you think.

Living Arrows 5/52

I have been looking at the gorgeous snaps over on I Heart Snapping for a few weeks now, and whilst out with my daughter scooting for the first time on her new scooter I knew this would make a great picture.

Life continues to be full of firsts even second time round and never does it cease to amaze me what we learn as a family.

Shortly after this picture was taken my little girl had two falls…but she got back up we and we carried on.

How happy are you on a scale of 1 to 10?

Was the question asked to me by the Office of National Statistics today as part of their Labour Force Survey.

I am an uber busy mum of two, we have had to put our child in our 5th choice of school, our bills keep going up and yet our wages don't and a friend has just died, I'm also at work tomorrow.

Now some of these things are just life and they don't make me unhappy as such but this question is pointless and subjective!!!

How can a mother with two beautiful, chatty and funny children say I am unhappy?

I mean I'm not, not about them anyway, but I am with the rising cost of everything, the poor choice of schools in our area, the list goes on.

I certainly hope my answer makes Mr Cameron happy, because if it was a question about the government and how happy I was with them on a scale of 1-10, well it wouldn't be anywhere near the double digits!

How happy are you with your life on a scale of 1-10?

Life and Death

This morning I could hear some birds getting upset in the garden. Next doors cat was in the garden hiding in a tree so I went out to shoo it away.

I then saw this little fella sat next to the gate down the side of the house.

It was very poorly, some of it's intestines hanging out and it was too young to fly home.

It's mum was calling out to it, I picked him up and moved it so maybe mum could see it.

But he was slowly dieing and I felt helpless.

My son asked about it as we went out to move it so the cats couldn't get it.

He understands about death, although he thinks you come back!

I cried, because in that small bundle of feathers existed life and death.

It died shortly afterwards :(

Life's Little Pleasures

Whilst out in the garden showing my son the flowers I spotted this, whilst I don't normally look at smelly rotting apples this one made me stop and smile.

I love how this rotting old apple from last year is sprouting a new apple tree, if I had planted some apple seeds I bet I couldn't have got this!

And then there is this, I was going through some china I had bought and it included this gorgeous tulip shaped cup and saucer.

It is so delicate and I wonder about the person who designed it, crafted it and thought about the ladies that would use them.

Sometimes it is the little things in life that make you smile that warm the cockles of your heart.

So many things, so little time!

I have so many things buzzing around in my head today that I'm not really sure what to right about. Is there something the opposite of writers block?

So here is a list of those things, most of which are stupid and pointless but for some reason they are still swimming around my head.

I feel like I need a good cry but I don't have the time or space to do it!

1. I am going into work on Friday, this has bought home the closeness of going back in January and that my baby is growing up so quick.

2. I keep thinking about the comment my husband made the other day 'what are your jobs around the house'. I feel hurt as I am always trying to keep on top of the cleaning, tidying, washing, ironing, decorating, cooking and general looking after everyone.

3. My daughter won't eat and has dropped down the percentile chart thingy quite a lot.

4. Money is too tight to mention!

5. My sons pre school booster jabs are next week.

6. We have two parties on Saturday!

7. I really have no idea what the people are camping in the Market Square for but know how long Kim Kardashian was married before splitting up.

Taken when I went into town the other day.

8. The toilet keeps blocking as it has done for the last five years and yet is never been fixed. Maybe I should add to my list of things I do around the house.

9. My parents health isn't great, but I don't see them enough for it to be something we properly talk about.

10. Business had been horrendous, we've had the worst month ever and I'm not really sure what to do any more.

11. The fridge saga is still on going, apparently they delivered doors on the 10th. Not here though so we are still waiting!

So I know in the scale of things this is all pretty trivial and I know I could be worse off. But right now I feel I am on the precipice of depression which is a road I do not want to go down again! It cost me so many happy days with my son and both him and my daughter need me.

Right duty calls, lunches to make and washing to put on!