My Broken Heart

Today a little piece of my heart broke, my daughter, my smallest baby started school. It was hard the first time round but second and final time round it has broken my heart!

My son walked her in to school, as proud as punch to be showing his little sister the way. They ran around the playground together until it was his time to go in.

A little bit early we headed to her playground, she was desperate to get in, we were early but her amazingly lovely teacher ushered her in with a smile.  As my daughter walked into her classroom, confident and proud, I knew her journey in school life had begun and she was as ready as she'd ever be.

It's funny, our school isn't classed as 'Outstanding' but the teachers have been amazing and I cannot wait for her to grow as my son has, she already had so many stories to tell and she's only been there a day.

I kissed her and left, having expected to stay for half an hour I felt a little forlorn, lost and sad that she didn't need me. As tears streamed down my face her teacher said I could stay, but I knew my daughter wouldn't need me, her teacher smiled and told my husband to take me for a cup of tea, we laughed and I walked across the playground with the tears rolling at an ever faster pace.

We got back to the car and my husband went to work, I chatted to another mum for a few minutes and then got back into my car, I sat and sobbed for ages, finally pulling myself together to drive to see my old next door neighbour for a few hours.

When I got home the house was quiet, normally there is someone in the house but no noise was strange, even when I am up before everyone else there is a creak or snore. For the last four and a half years my daughter has been with me Monday to Wednesday and it felt lonely. I know it will change, I will work more and i'll have things to occupy me but oh my heart aches.

I adore my children, they are kind beyond words and I couldn't be more proud of these wonderful little people. My heart will always ache but I will enjoy the time I have with them more, those special moments will be more special.

Here is to all those parents going through the same this week.

Hey Time, Slow Down Please

Yesterday I dropped my son off at school and as my daughter and I walked back to the car, she asked me to sing a song, so I dutifully did, but as I sang Dingle Dangle Scarecrow it suddenly occurred to me that this won't happen for much longer.

Come September, I will be walking back to the car empty handed, no one to go off and spend the day with, at that moment my heart broke a little as i realised that my time with my baby is slowly rushing away from me.

Me and my daughter have a bucket list of things we want to do before she goes to school, we have painted a pot together, we have been to see Cinderella with her dressed in her Cinderella dress, we are going to build a bear and lots of other things.

You forget how precious those minutes, hours, days are and fill them with cleaning, shopping and moaning, when instead you should embrace every second, singing, dancing like a could of daft people in the kitchen (it's a regular thing in my house) and enjoying the moment.

So from now until my son breaks up, our three days together are going to be just that, no time constraints, just doing things that make us happy and making so many memories together.

Whats that saying...

"Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ‘til tomorrow For babies grow up we’ve learnt to our sorrow So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep" 

Kisses, hugs and cuddles!

My son is such a loving little soul, he always tells me he loves me, gives me hugs and cuddles and is generally the sweetest thing. My daughter kisses and cuddles too but she is only 2 so she doesn’t understand why she’s doing it yet.

I treasure and cherish every one of those kisses in case they stop, a colleague at work tells me how her 16 year old daughter never talks to her let alone kisses and cuddles her, it has been this way since she was about 11.

If I am sad or just need a cuddle I still go to my mum and I really hope my son and daughter are the same, however I know one day I will probably be an embarrassment to them and they won’t want to know me.

So for now I will continue to treasure my perfect little people in all their hugging and kissing glory.

Love you guys :'o)

Image courtesy of Clare Bloomfield / FreeDigitalPhotos.net