My Broken Heart

Today a little piece of my heart broke, my daughter, my smallest baby started school. It was hard the first time round but second and final time round it has broken my heart!

My son walked her in to school, as proud as punch to be showing his little sister the way. They ran around the playground together until it was his time to go in.

A little bit early we headed to her playground, she was desperate to get in, we were early but her amazingly lovely teacher ushered her in with a smile.  As my daughter walked into her classroom, confident and proud, I knew her journey in school life had begun and she was as ready as she'd ever be.

It's funny, our school isn't classed as 'Outstanding' but the teachers have been amazing and I cannot wait for her to grow as my son has, she already had so many stories to tell and she's only been there a day.

I kissed her and left, having expected to stay for half an hour I felt a little forlorn, lost and sad that she didn't need me. As tears streamed down my face her teacher said I could stay, but I knew my daughter wouldn't need me, her teacher smiled and told my husband to take me for a cup of tea, we laughed and I walked across the playground with the tears rolling at an ever faster pace.

We got back to the car and my husband went to work, I chatted to another mum for a few minutes and then got back into my car, I sat and sobbed for ages, finally pulling myself together to drive to see my old next door neighbour for a few hours.

When I got home the house was quiet, normally there is someone in the house but no noise was strange, even when I am up before everyone else there is a creak or snore. For the last four and a half years my daughter has been with me Monday to Wednesday and it felt lonely. I know it will change, I will work more and i'll have things to occupy me but oh my heart aches.

I adore my children, they are kind beyond words and I couldn't be more proud of these wonderful little people. My heart will always ache but I will enjoy the time I have with them more, those special moments will be more special.

Here is to all those parents going through the same this week.

Making Time

A few weeks ago I was having lunch with some fabulous bloggers, one of those was the lovely Becky from Baby Budgeting and A Beautiful Space.

We were talking about my daughter starting school in September and how I am trying to make the most of the time I have left with her before she is there full time. She told me a wonderful story about her and her daughter before she started school and how they made a bracelet together, it made me more determined to make the most of my time with my little girl.

So, after we had dropped my son off at school, we went to the park. We spent an hour or so playing hide and seek, then we sat on a bench and talked about how we'd miss each other come September.

Then we went to play on the park, spotted some snowdrops and looked at the ducks. It was a wonderful way to spend some time, afterwards we went home to warm up and have a hot chocolate.

I missed my son when he went to school but I had my daughter to fill my time and the gap he left, I'm not sure how I will feel come September but I know that half terms, inset days and weekends will become even more precious.