Mental Health and Me

Last week I spoke to someone from the Let's Talk team in Nottingham, having suffered with unexplained pain for the last 8-9 months it has taken it's toll. There is no fuse anymore not even a short one, I lose my temper over silly things quite quickly and worry about everything, from the bee on the floor dying to sending my son to school with a grape in case he chokes.

I have no idea why I am this way or have started with these fears and feelings, but something is obviously wrong so I have been referred for CBT (Cognitive Behaviroual Therapy).

I saw a counsellor when I was at school and after the birth of my son a Perinatal Mental Health Nurse came to see me to help me with my PND.

So I guess I am predisposed to mental health problems but what with the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia (although this is something that can never be 100% diagnosed) it has just gotten to much, thoughts and feelings that I shouldn't be having are there again.

Day's, although that is all they are, where the darkness sets in and I feel close the edge of a pit I know only too well.

Staring at the ever further away light at the end of the tunnel, but I know I need to be better for my children.

I used to use my blog to post about my feelings but it got a little like I was talking to myself, but maybe that is who I need to talk too.

More to come on my journey with some CBT and Fibromyalgia and if anyone has been through CBT I would love to hear more about whether it helped or not.

I need a place to scream!

Today is one of those days where I just want to scream, I just want to stand and scream utter crap until my lungs hurt and then just have a good cry!

But with two children and a husband around it's pretty impossible, maybe I will go out in the car and put on some loud pissed off music and shout as loud as I can.

But then again where would I put the kids and the husband?!?

Maybe I have just invented something, a sound proof room stressed mums can go and shout, cry and generally moan without anyone looking at them as if they just went mad!

Anyone interested in such a place? In the mean time, here is a song that describes exactly how I feel!

Cleaning to soothe the soul!

So I wouldn't normally admit this in case my husband reads it, but last night whilst cleaning the kitchen I decided I actually like cleaning.

When I was 15 and had just finished my GCSEs I cleaned my mums kitchen from top to bottom. I mean inside the cupboards the doors everything, with it I felt a sort of peace.

Seeing the once dirty cupboards (sorry Mum) sparkle was satisfying and helped with the stress of waiting for my results.

I would clean half a door and see the difference I had made with my soap and water and get quite a sense of joy..

Ok so this sounds a bit strange but even now I feel a sense of calm and control over what I have done, lining up the kitchen paraphernalia on the worktop everything clean and ready for the next day.

I certainly feel there is some therapy in cleaning and anything that takes my mind off the troubles of the day is great.

Shame I suppose that in the morning a certain man in the house will put his buttery knife on my nice clean worktop....grrrrr!

Oh well c'est la vie!